I Don’t Even Know

Today’s post is a bit like a page out of my life, and I feel like I just need to set it free and get it out there. It’s not like anyone reads my blog anyway, right?

So there’s this guy at my school and I’ve had a crush on him for 2 and a bit years. I thought I was over it at the beginning of the year, but every time I have a class with him, my feelings just get stronger. This sounds so pathetic and cheesy, but I don’t know what else to say. He’s tall, cute, funny and just perfect. (Not to mention he’s also been single for a while haha). Whenever we talk at school, it’s normally him just asking me a question to do with the work that we are doing in class, or him wondering if he can borrow one of my pens. It’s never a deep, meaningful conversation or anything.

A few days ago, we were talking online, and I saw a whole other side to him. He was calling me pretty, and telling me not to doubt myself, and it was really nice to hear this, especially coming from him. He knows that I like him though, so I wasn’t sure if he was just messing around with me, but his words still made me feel really happy, and I had the biggest smile on my face when I was receiving his messages.

Still, I don’t know if I was right to believe these words that he was saying to me. I know that he would never tell me that I was pretty to my face, and if he happens to walk past me, it would be rare for him to even look in my general direction.

I feel like everyone has two identities. Online and offline. As though we have to hide our true personalities and the only way we feel that we can let them out is to do this behind the protective wall that is the internet. Where people can judge us, but not to our faces. Where we can say what we want, and not have to worry about who might overhear our conversation. And yet, nobody realises just how wrong this is.

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